Now, if I've ever worked for you, please do not freak out or take personal offense. I am talking from the experience in my own life/house and from the dozens upon dozens of parents, professionals, bachelors, young people, retired couples and everyone else I have worked with over the past ten years. I'm talking about all of us.
We are stressed. We have too many things. We spend too much money. We over-book our time. We focus on relationships that wear us out. We waste out free time. We are rarely in the present moment. We move very fast, getting not very much done.
So, please know, f you do any of the things above or ever feel like your life is complete chaos, you're not alone.
All of our lives are chaos.
Every time I clean for a new client, they apologize profusely for "the mess" or "the clutter" or the way things look and I always assure them not to worry, that this is what I do all the time for a living and that - truthfully - it's not any different or worse than any other house. Ok, yes, logically, not every houses is exactly the same; some are better and some are, in fact, worse. But the actual state of the house is relative and not important. What matters is that most people feel equally overwhelmed about their homes and lives.
(Of course, my sampling is obviously skewed toward more disorganized people, hence why they contact me for my services. Still, even in my personal observations, it is clear that many people fit in this category)
We work hard to buy things we don't need. We misuse our time doing things that make us miserable instead of making the time and space for what brings us true joy. The temptations of our modern world are just too strong and easily-accessible; bad TV, insanely cheap but super useless knick knacks on store shelves, never-ending "solutions" to modern living whether these are gadgets, organizing tools, the newest health fad food or whatever else marketers know we'll think we need the instant we see it. (They are smart people, don't underestimated them. They have studies and algorithms on their side!).
We buy these things, surround ourselves with these things and they make us feel warm and fuzzy for a short while- research shows its a VERY short while - and then wake up everyday wading through our own possessions and stressing about our jammed schedules with people and activities we dread just to come home to those same piles of things we must move from place to place and clean and, in whatever form, put energy into.
This is the key: objects take energy and space. Obligations take time. People take emotional capital. Now think about this: how much of each of those things do you have? If the answer is "infinite, and they never need replenishing" then, please, by all means, keep doing what you're doing.
But, please, let's all recognize our limits and respect them.
One observation with all this is that the older people I work for are the ones least likely to be stressed or overwhelmed. It's amazing to see.
It seems sometime in your 60's (this is confirmed in happiness research) you just stop worrying so much because nothing seems worth the bother. Trust me, their houses are no cleaner or better organized than anyone else's and they like to have them clean but they don't worry and apologize and fuss about the details like most people (including myself) do. They just say "here's the bathroom. It's dirty" and move on with their day. They don't run from meeting to meeting or arrange to have coffee dates with people they don't like, they've learned not to surround themselves with the people they don't like. Ok, maybe they buy stuff they don't need, but even that doesn't seem to bother them the way it stresses many other people in the end.
(True, these are broad generalizations but they are based on the people I actually work for and. like I said, figures that show happiness actually peaks around age 65. This may not sum up all older people and I know for a fact that there are plenty of young people who don't get bothered/overwhelmed by all the things I'm describing but it does seem that age and experience brings perspective which then makes it clear that worry is, almost always, a waste.)
Just think: Every wise and calm grandmother MUST have been a frantic new mom at some point, worrying about every detail of their baby's health and the condition of the home!
FINAL THOUGHT: As I write this, typing profusely, thoughts flowing faster than I can process them, sipping an americano at a coffee shop, a man in his 70's who was sitting a few chairs down from me just left. I kept thinking he was meeting someone or waiting for something because he was just sitting. Not on a computer, no phone, not ever reading a newspaper or a book! He was sitting. He would take a sip from his drink, and he would sit some more. In complete silence for about 30 minutes, this man sat and sipped.
Now, maaaaybe in his mind he was running through a list of everything he had to do this week, everything that went wrong last week, every political event that is making him fume at the moment, everything he wishes he had more time for, everything he wants to buy, everything he wishes he could afford, every bill that stresses him out and every blog post his very loud brain tells him he HAS to write like I do every time I'm faced with silence and stillness but.... ya know what, it didn't look like that's what he was thinking about. Looked like he was just sitting.
Let's learn from that man, people. Let's save ourselves from drowning. Better yet, let's throw out some lifesavers and give each other a hand. I know I could use one from time to time.
THANKS FOR READING
P.S. If none of the above issues describe your life in anyway, SOS! I mean, GREAT JOB!! Keep it up and disregard everything I said. Also, feel free to share some tips for all of us hot messes!
P.P.S. I'll be at the Moral March in Raleigh this weekend (ALL NC PEOPLE SHOULD GO) and am planning a series next week about privilege. Race, education, gender identity, sexual orientation and appearance will all be explored plus what privilege means and how we should act when we got a lot of it! Be on the lookout!
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