Southern Snow Storm in Photos

Set Up: It snowed in Raleigh. We new that it would snow but no one knew quite how hard and fast it would hit. I stayed at a house I was cleaning just a few minutes too long and Amanda left the house just 30 minutes too late to get our very important hot chocolate and Oreos. We were fools, this is what happened.

Car off the side of the hill by my house. All the snow you see was less than 30 minutes after this started. Sure, my Chicago and Indiana friends will think this is ridiculous but when was the last time you drove up a steep hill with no salt or 4WD in a snow storm? Huh? Whatever. I left it and started walking the half mile home.

While I left most things in the car, I carried with me the 35 lb box of artificial logs I had bought the night before in preparation for the storm. Why didn't I unload the car the night before? Why don't you mind your own business?

Kicking and dragging the box once I got downhill was much easier than carrying it!

Warm fire with the dogs. Amanda was still stuck in traffic that refused to move. It took her 2 hours to drive less than 2 miles but that was lucky compared to people who had to wait for hours or abandon their cars 5 miles away to walk home. It was bad, people.

Next morning, Amanda and I took the dogs first thing to check on the car and see if we could get it out or at least see that it hadn't been hit or broken in to. We looked like the guys from Star Wars on the planet that was like, cold and snowy. See how cool I am? I totally know detailed Sci-Fi references (I do not).

This is Amanda looking at the frozen pine needles of the branch that fell in our yard. The whole thing was covered in ice and we have tall trees here so they fell far!

After some friendly neighbors tried to help us push the car out with no success, we took what we needed from the car and walked home. Double Back Pack!!

When we got home I told Amanda that we should shake the snow off the trees so they wouldn't get damaged. I was brsuhing the snow off just fine, Amanda takes one swipe and pulled off a whole, sad branch.

Look at the ice! Pretty.

Anyway, I just got the car back, I'm getting ready to get back to my house. 3 days and 2 packages of Oreos later (thanks for bringing us emergency Oreos, Tommy and Kelsey), Amanda and I have ended our sister snow day(s) and it's time to get back home.

I hope everyone stayed dry and safe.

THANKS FOR READING

Exploring Privilege

So far this year, my head has been swimming in thoughts about my race, gender, income, neighborhood, age, and so much more. Why? I can't identify with most people and "groups" anymore. I don't feel like I "fit in" anywhere.

I'm sitting in a coffee shop right now and my current situation could not better illustrate my current feeling of dislocation. There are four college girls, all white, all within 2 or 3 years of me, working on a group project. They are talking loudly enough and I am sitting closer than I would have chosen if they were already sitting there (it's been very hard to concentrate without headphones) and their conversation makes me feel so far from them.

I know I was in their exact position just a few short years ago but it's so odd to think about how now I worry about scheduling my clients, trying to expand my business, pay my bills and student loans, manage adult dating and friendships and try to stay above the daily grind by grasping in thin air for some sort of aim or goal that seems worthwhile and they're discussing how they would run their sorority's Twitter account so much better than the other girls who were unwise enough to -get ready - choose chevron as the background of the Twitter page!! (Seriously, I don't think chevron didn't even exist when I was their age!!)

This is all especially bizarre because I find myself resenting their lives and everything they have that they seem to take for granted which - in case you really think I'm as unaware as it seems - is completely RIDICULOUS considering we probably have almost identical backgrounds.

I caught myself judging them the most harshly when they were talking about a younger sister of one of their friends getting a car while only in the 9th grade. One girl asked what kind of car it was and was entirely unimpressed when she heard it was a Honda CRV. I guess the fact that it wasn't a Mustang made the information commonplace. HOW DARE THEY WRITE OFF A PERFECTLY GOOD HONDA AS A GIFT FROM A FATHER TO HIS DAUGHTER! IF I WERE THAT LUCKY....

Then I remembered that the Honda Civic I drove here in tonight is not, in fact mine. It was a gift from my father. I pay for the gas, repairs and insurance and even though I do still consider it his car since I have not yet made any payments to him (he IS the owner), I have destroyed the inside and outside of that vehicle through many countless fender-benders or by moving lumber and rusty dollies for work or, you know, years of smoking (I really am sorry, dad). So, while I am very grateful for the transportation my situation has provided me, I obviously take it for granted.

I've realized I take a lot of it for granted.

So, I'm gonna reflect on that this week. I cannot promise that I won't say something that offends someone or is just plain wrong but this will be an honest exploration of my own privilege.

I have already realized that, subconsciously, I had planned on this being a week to basically prove that I really don't have THAT much privilege. I wanted to feel better about myself, believe that I didn't have much of a leg up in life. That these girls at the table across from me have it sooo much better than I do and that the adult ed black woman next to me that I'm chatting with about doing laundry and trying to relax for a minute at this coffee shop, now she and I have something in common. She's my people, not these yuppy, rich, white college girls.

BUT THAT'S NOT TRUE!!

It honestly may be true for my life at the moment and I LOVE that. But to pretend that I understand her experience better than these girls across from me is ignorant and just plain wrong.

I've found myself feeling more and more isolated from well-off, straight, white, mainstream people and more and more connected with minorities of all kinds. But, while empathy is always a good thing and invaluable in creating change that matters, pretending to be someone or something I'm not and re-inventing my own narrative to seem like I've encountered more hardship than I have will not help anyone and is not fair.

So I'll look at all of the fortunate aspects of my life that I had little or no control over, how they have benefited me, and why I now see how change can only happen when we acknowledge our privileges and do the important work necessary to even the playing field for all people and try, to the greatest extent possible, to end the discrimination and hate so many people face on a regular basis.

I will explore race, gender identity, sexual orientation, income/education and even appearance and am honestly very nervous. I think this important and I want to process and share and- hopefully -create conversation but this will involve being very vulnerable and, as I said, just plain wrong.

Please be patient, tell me if I'm being hurtful and, as always,

THANK YOU FOR READING

We're All Drowning. (Except Old People. Old People Know What's Up.)

I clean and organize houses for a living. I spend a lot of time "behind the curtain" of peoples' lives and I've learned a very valuable lesson: we are all a hot mess. We are all drowning.

Now, if I've ever worked for you, please do not freak out or take personal offense. I am talking from the experience in my own life/house and from the dozens upon dozens of parents, professionals, bachelors, young people, retired couples and everyone else I have worked with over the past ten years. I'm talking about all of us.

We are stressed. We have too many things. We spend too much money. We over-book our time. We focus on relationships that wear us out. We waste out free time. We are rarely in the present moment. We move very fast, getting not very much done.

So, please know, f you do any of the things above or ever feel like your life is complete chaos, you're not alone.

All of our lives are chaos.

Every time I clean for a new client, they apologize profusely for "the mess" or "the clutter" or the way things look and I always assure them not to worry, that this is what I do all the time for a living and that - truthfully - it's not any different or worse than any other house. Ok, yes, logically, not every houses is exactly the same; some are better and some are, in fact, worse. But the actual state of the house is relative and not important. What matters is that most people feel equally overwhelmed about their homes and lives.

(Of course, my sampling is obviously skewed toward more disorganized people, hence why they contact me for my services. Still, even in my personal observations, it is clear that many people fit in this category)

We work hard to buy things we don't need. We misuse our time doing things that make us miserable instead of making the time and space for what brings us true joy. The temptations of our modern world are just too strong and easily-accessible; bad TV, insanely cheap but super useless knick knacks on store shelves, never-ending "solutions" to modern living whether these are gadgets, organizing tools, the newest health fad food or whatever else marketers know we'll think we need the instant we see it. (They are smart people, don't underestimated them. They have studies and algorithms on their side!).

We buy these things, surround ourselves with these things and they make us feel warm and fuzzy for a short while- research shows its a VERY short while - and then wake up everyday wading through our own possessions and stressing about our jammed schedules with people and activities we dread just to come home to those same piles of things we must move from place to place and clean and, in whatever form, put energy into. 

This is the key: objects take energy and space. Obligations take time. People take emotional capital. Now think about this: how much of each of those things do you have? If the answer is "infinite, and they never need replenishing" then, please, by all means, keep doing what you're doing.

But, please, let's all recognize our limits and respect them.

One observation with all this is that the older people I work for are the ones least likely to be stressed or overwhelmed. It's amazing to see. 

It seems sometime in your 60's (this is confirmed in happiness research) you just stop worrying so much because nothing seems worth the bother. Trust me, their houses are no cleaner or better organized than anyone else's and they like to have them clean but they don't worry and apologize and fuss about the details like most people (including myself) do. They just say "here's the bathroom. It's dirty" and move on with their day. They don't run from meeting to meeting or arrange to have coffee dates with people they don't like, they've learned not to surround themselves with the people they don't like. Ok, maybe they buy stuff they don't need, but even that doesn't seem to bother them the way it stresses many other people in the end.

(True, these are broad generalizations but they are based on the people I actually work for and. like I said, figures that show happiness actually peaks around age 65. This may not sum up all older people and I know for a fact that there are plenty of young people who don't get bothered/overwhelmed by all the things I'm describing but it does seem that age and experience brings perspective which then makes it clear that worry is, almost always, a waste.)

Just think: Every wise and calm grandmother MUST have been a frantic new mom at some point, worrying about every detail of their baby's health and the condition of the home!

FINAL THOUGHT: As I write this, typing profusely, thoughts flowing faster than I can process them, sipping an americano at a coffee shop, a man in his 70's who was sitting a few chairs down from me just left. I kept thinking he was meeting someone or waiting for something because he was just sitting. Not on a computer, no phone, not ever reading a newspaper or a book! He was sitting. He would take a sip from his drink, and he would sit some more. In complete silence for about 30 minutes, this man sat and sipped. 

Now, maaaaybe in his mind he was running through a list of everything he had to do this week, everything that went wrong last week, every political event that is making him fume at the moment, everything he wishes he had more time for, everything he wants to buy, everything he wishes he could afford, every bill that stresses him out and every blog post his very loud brain tells him he HAS to write like I do every time I'm faced with silence and stillness but.... ya know what, it didn't look like that's what he was thinking about. Looked like he was just sitting.

Let's learn from that man, people. Let's save ourselves from drowning. Better yet, let's throw out some lifesavers and give each other a hand. I know I could use one from time to time.

THANKS FOR READING

P.S. If none of the above issues describe your life in anyway, SOS! I mean, GREAT JOB!! Keep it up and disregard everything I said. Also, feel free to share some tips for all of us hot messes!

P.P.S. I'll be at the Moral March in Raleigh this weekend (ALL NC PEOPLE SHOULD GO) and am planning a series next week about privilege. Race, education, gender identity, sexual orientation and appearance will all be explored plus what privilege means and how we should act when we got a lot of it! Be on the lookout!