I was recently re-diagnosed as ADHD which should have been abundantly clear my whole life. Instead, I just chose to use the same labels that everybody else always has after spending more than 2 minutes with me; scatter-brained, flaky, ditsy, forgetful, spazzy, distracted, motor-mouthed, etc.
So while I wait for my new Rx to magically fix everything, I thought I'd share a typical afternoon in my life, because, well, it's just plain silly.
To understand a little of what its like in my head, I'm gonna run through the errands I just ran and how... eh-hem... smoothly they went.
This afternoon, I was supposed to-
- Drop some donations off at Goodwill
- Exchange my dog's harness for one in a different color
- Stop in at couple Starbucks to ask about jobs
- Get gas and vacuum out my car
Preparation- This step is crucial. Before you leave, Set aside at least 90 minutes to try to gather everything you need for these errands. This will require running through every room in the house, including the garage, looking for the various donations as well as the harness you misplaced. More importantly there will be many small tasks that require IMMEDIATE attention. Such tasks include, but are not limited to; organizing a few random shelves in the garage, looking at Pinterest for ideas about the DIY project you want to do this weekend, texting friends and checking Facebook, putting some - but not all - of your dirty clothes in the hamper because, well, you looked at them, and letting your dog in and out several times because, of course, you will be leaving the house in "just a minute" for the next 45 minutes. In order to stay on top of all of these extremely important and relevant tasks, it will help to start several lists in several different notebooks. Make sure to keep the notebooks in different rooms - which you must not, under any circumstances, keep track of - and never, EVER leave a pen near them. Pens should always be carried with you to the next room you enter to be left on a surface of your own random and unconscious choice, also not to be kept track of. The final and most important step if you want to be truly prepared to start your errands is to leave the essentials like your purse, phone and car keys all over the house, tucked away in the oddest nooks and crannies. At least with the cell phone, you can call it from the house phone which is HOPEFULLY left in its cradle. As for the purse and car keys, you will have to run up and down the stairs at least 4 times looking "everywhere" without the cognitive capacity to slow your eyes or brain down long enough to actually register the lost item you are looking for. This is sure to give you the desired result of finding it exactly where you've looked "a hundred times already!"
Ok, are you ready to run 4 errands? Good! All that prep time should have paid off, let's go!
Step 1- Go to Goodwill, empty donations. Guy asks if you need a receipt, say no, walk away.
Step 2- Remember you do need a receipt that your dad asked you for, go back.
Step 3- Take dog harness to pet store, ramble about getting the wrong one, talking to someone about return policies, explaining you have a receipt but not the original card it was purchased with, and that your dog can simply NOT wear a pink harness only find out that the clerk didn't need any of this information. Get the new harness with no fuss except that you awkwardly held on to the harness you were returning and the clerk had to ask for it since you were, you know, there to return it.
Step 4- Go to Starbucks, ask for a manager and place your order while the cashier gets her. After talking to manager about coming back tomorrow, get in car and drive away.
Step 5- Get halfway out of parking lot when you remember that you never picked up the $3 glorified iced tea you ordered, drive back to store and try to pass it off as cute.
*Job Tip: This is a great way to make a first impression on a potential employer.
Step 6- Drive right past the gas station to get no gas and not vacuum out car. Why would I do that? Oh, the list? Well, too bad.
Step 8- Remember that there is another huge bag of donations in the trunk that you forgot to drop off. Whoops, another time then.
Step 9- Get home, feel exhausted yet accomplished and proud, take new harness out to fit on dog, realize its the wrong one made for a small dog, not a 70 pound she-beast. Decide to return it again.
Step 10- Drive back to pet store, do some more rambling and get the right harness.
Step 11- Stop at gas station for a full tank but no vacuuming. Meh, I'll do it later.
Step 12- Get home, feel so tired and overwhelmed by the amount of effort you've just exerted from living in your own crazy-brain that you have to write a whole blog post about a simple errand run so you can try to recover some sanity and gain recognition for the insane and difficult life you lead not because of any great hardships or disadvantages, but due solely to your own ridiculous and disorganized thoughts.
GOOD JOB, YOU DID IT!!
That wasn't so hard, was it?
Now, for other 4 things that were on the list that I didn't even mention because it was too complicated and they're still not done...
That's right, ladies and gents. This? This was the condensed version!
If you ever want to experience a true, unedited 3 hours in my brain, I would be more than willing to switch sometime. Gimme a call. We'll work something out.
THANKS FOR READING
Photo credit to Etsy Shop Emily Cromwell
View shop at https://www.etsy.com/shop/EmilyCromwell?ref=unav_listing-h
Photo credit to Etsy Shop Emily Cromwell
View shop at https://www.etsy.com/shop/EmilyCromwell?ref=unav_listing-h
