Warning: This post practically turned out to be a diary entry. You can leave if you want.
I just spent the last 10 days visiting my Granny with my sister aunt and mom in a hospital in DC where a procedure took two very scary turns but my Granny recovered quite quickly and fully considering how serious the situation got. We kept saying that although the events that brought us together were far from ideal, it was nice to get to spend time together over the weekend and on Mother's Day and was, overall, a rather pleasant time after she had fought back, like she always does. Love you Granny!
After that, my sister, mom and I headed back to Chicago with a quick stop at a Pittsburgh hotel and quilt shop my mom wanted to visit in the middle of the mountains. I spent time at home cleaning and organizing the kitchen pantry (maybe my favorite organizing projects to date!) seeing my friends and the fellas in their lives and shadowing a family friend that cleans houses and taught me the tricks of the trade. We topped off the week with a family dinner and a sleepover with my three little cousins where we watched Dumbo and ate popcorn (with ranch, as my 5 year old cousin requested...) My last night home, I went out with some friends to celebrate a recent engagement!
On Saturday, my mom drove me to Crown Point, Indiana where my beautiful and wonderful friend Lindsey picked me up and drove me to Anderson on her way out of Michigan. I got to spend two nights in my college town and rocked my Goodwill outfit for a friend's thrift shop party. It was good to see everyone and eat Deluxe Donuts again. Next time, I just have to eat at The Nile!!
Aaaand, now, here I am. Sitting on my back porch in Raleigh listening to the frogs and the remaining rain drops trickling off the trees from a storm that must have passed through right before we arrived. Good weather, a late sunset and listening to Anne of Green Gables on audio book made this one of the more pleasant drives I've had in a while. We also didn't hit any deer or spin off the road which certainly added to the pleasantness...
Pulling up to our house just as it was getting dark and with the sounds and thick air left after the rain, I realized what a beautiful and comfortable place this is. After spending a week in the Midwest, seeing our little townhouse surrounded by trees and thriving plant life so thick and green that it's starting to take over the view of the front door was an experience more emotional and nostalgic than I ever imagined it would be. Even the musty cottage smell of our house made Amanda and I feel like we were truly home and Lady, who would hardly eat or drink while we were away, was so comfortable, well fed and watered and cuddling on my bed only a few minutes after our arrival. It was a certainly a strong feeling of belonging. (This experience was slightly marred when we discovered a dead mouse. For all of the beautiful, thriving life in this part of the country, I must say that I could do without the mice, cockroaches, millipedes and mosquitoes!)
Returning to life here, even though it has only been 2 hours, has already reminded my of my priorities and goals. A few months ago, I started moving away from the nanny share I was running and began to work as a housekeeper and seamstress. With so much support and networking from some very dear and helpful friends here in Raleigh, it has gone pretty well so far. I have a couple regular clients and help on an ad-hoc basis with some clients I have met online or been introduced to. I still babysit in my home during the week and for date nights on weekends, but am trying to get as much experience and work I can get with cleaning and sewing. My fantasy at this point is to establish myself and learn enough to support myself on projects that I love which ranges from sewing to organizing to decorating an painting to gardening.
Being self-employed is exciting in many ways and full of stress and anxiety in many others. I am proud to be a 23 year old who is making my own way and developing my skills, business and otherwise, in a down economy when so many are looking for work or unsatisfied with what they do. However, I still have plenty of moments of doubt and fear about my abilities, ambitions and livelihood. I hope to gain more clients and develop a more established schedule and to be able to offer quality services at fair prices that still allow me to support myself. And, you know, pay off all those student loans.
My latest entrepreneur project that is months in the making and far behind (my own) deadline to to open my etsy shop. I have slowly but surely been working on more projects each week and am happy with the finished products but ever concerned about how things will be received, how to carry out transactions online and follow through in every step of the buyer/seller interaction and whether or not I can actually take the things I love to make and share and make a profit from them. I am constantly in a state of inspiration and motivation and - simultaneously- fear, dread, anxiety and virtual paralysis.
So, as I said, returning to my current home after briefly visiting my two other beloved homes, has made me think some more about who I am, what I am doing and what I truly wish to do. There are still many goals that I set out to change at the beginning of the year that I have not come close to accomplishing while a few of my primary goals, I was happily surprised to realize, have come to pass without me even realizing it such as making good friends, getting involved in the community and causes I care about and working towards becoming financially secure and independent. I need to focus on what I have accomplished and my potential to keep on track and do so much more.
I'm back, I'm terrified and motivated and I'm going to keep on keeping on. Looking back at the beginning of this blog and seeing how far I have come in less than a year is so encouraging for where I will go in the coming months and beyond.
THANKS FOR READING
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